A Dog's Life

I grew up with dogs. (No, I am not referring to my sisters). Hee, hee.

First there was a brief encounter with some kind of dog that my father brought home which my mother wouldn't let us keep. Then there was some kind of little dog that kept running away.

Eventually, we settled in on a German Shepard puppy named Karla. Every day, without fail, my dad worked on training her to heel, walk, sit, stay, etc. Most impressive was her adherence to the rule of not setting one paw off of our property (no matter what she was chasing).

But, at 6 years old, I didn't care much about that. I cared about being able to pet her, lie on her, talk to her, kiss her, and have her grab my hand in her mouth to lead me somewhere. She was my best friend.

Then just before 6th grade, we moved to South Carolina. I don't know if it was the heat or humidity or both or neither, but Karla developed hip problems (which I know are common in German Shepards). Nonetheless, it became harder for her to get up and she spent much of her time resting in the backyard.

Then my parents sent us to Chicago to visit our uncles for a few weeks.

When we returned, Karla was gone. Not just gone from the yard, or gone from the house - just gone.

With no warning, my parents had put Karla to sleep. No conversation with us, either before or after.

Emotion is only acceptable when displayed alone.

Skip to 30-ish years later. I have married a man who is allergic to dogs. (The marital contract should have a contingency whereby a dog allergy is grounds for termination of the contract). So, I have wanted a dog for the last 18 years.

As luck would have it, I went in to a liquor store a while ago (that's not the lucky part) and there was a big, cute, light-colored, curly-haired dog. I asked the owner what was the breed of the dog and they said a golden retriever/poodle mix (hereinafter referred to as a goldendoodle). She told me that she was allergic to dogs, but not this dog (due to the poodle part).

Time passed and the next time that I was in the liquor store (ok, several times later), I asked the guy in the store if he knew where that woman got the dog. The gist of the conversation was that the dog, "Winston," has a sibling who belongs to some people who didn't realize that the dog would be more than 40-50 pounds and there was a distinct possibility that they might want to find it a more suitable home.

I excitedly wrote down my name and spent the next few days waiting for my dog connection to call. My grand plan was to surprise my husband on Father's Day with a dog, despite the fact that he doesn't want one. (This is what happens when you've been married for fricking decades.)

Father's Day came and went.

Last night, Aidan asked me if I would take him driving. I said, "sure," and promptly directed him to the aforementioned liquor store.

I explained my dog dilemma to the man at the counter (while purchasing my beer). He said that he knew the dog of which I was speaking and that my connection would be in on wednesday, and that I should await further communications.

Tomorrow is wednesday.

Woes of a Parent With a New Teenage Driver

My 15-year old son got his permit today. I'm scared! I've been dreading this day since he was born.

He asked if he could drive home from the DMV. Oh sure - it's a light blue bug (my husband won't even drive it during the day) - it's a manual - and we would have to drive on the highway. I DON'T THINK SO!

So we negotiated a deal whereby I would take him to Subway for lunch and he'd stop asking to drive. (You all know what a great lawyer I am, and, I am sure that his acquiesence to such a deal had nothing to do with the fact that he knows he can't drive a stick).

That being said - do I not have an adorable car?



















Viewers are sucked in by the seemingly girly, sweet, Barbie car (really, it is the Barbie car), and then they see it - evidence of my undeniable obnoxiousness.


I can't help it. I have now reached an age where I don't care if I annoy people. And, frankly, I find it fun!

I guess the apple really DOESN'T fall far from the tree (see previous posts about my mother on both my and my sister, Charmaine's, blogs). It just took a while for my apples to become ripe!

QUOTE OF THE DAY:

"Mom, I can be your designated driver". Uttered by Aidan in an attempt to provide incentive for me to teach him how to drive sooner, rather than later.

White Boy on a Black Radio Show

This is a test. I somehow was able to load the videos from the video camera onto my computer. I saw sections that I wanted to post. And now I can't find them. I'm confused.

Jesus is Letting Me Down (Business Card Update)

No, not THAT Jesus - the Jesus who is purportedly designing my business cards.

I'm thinking the other Jesus may, indeed, have a problem with my lack of participation in organized religion. As a result, he is impeding the ability of Office Depot Jesus to complete the design of my card, as well as, my ability to contact him (and by "him," I mean Office Depot Jesus).

Jesus takes a lot of days off.

Which Jesus am I talking about? You decide.

Jesus is Designing My Business Cards

No. Not THAT Jesus. It's the Jesus at Office Depot. The real Jesus doesn't communicate directly with me like he does with George Bush. Although I think that Jesus is working through the other Jesus to provide me with a fabulous business card.

I don't think Jesus minds that I don't go to church and don't believe in God, do you? Jesus clearly cares about the downtrodden which makes him a Democrat. And Democrats don't discriminate against others on the basis of religious beliefs.

So, he wants the economy to rebound since it's the downtrodden that were all screwed by the rich assholes on Wall Street and the banking system.

For the economy to recover, unemployed people(like me) need to find jobs and make money which they can then inject into the economy by buying shoes. (At least that's what the "experts" say, and who am I to argue with them!)

My theoretical law firm is going to do bankruptcy and tax resolution. I know what you're thinking. Technically, I can't make money unless other downtrodden people are in dire financial straits. Cause if the economy recovers and there are no more downtrodden people, who is going to hire me to file for bankruptcy or argue with the IRS?

Does this mean that Jesus and I DON'T want the economy to recover? Noooooooo! Of course not! Jesus wants to help the downtrodden so they can buy shoes. Ergo, I need downtrodden clients.

Ok, Now I'm confused. But answer me this, why else would Jesus be designing my business cards?

Dolly Cannot Compete With Gunnar

Gunnar has been performing the character, Rudolph, in the junior high musical "Hello Dollly" for the last three nights. This is his version of heaven.

Not one to gush about my kids, I have to admit that Gunnar has an amazing stage presence and charisma. Only he could take a relatively minor role and make it unforgettable.

Don't forget his name. He's gonna be famous some day!

Leprechauns and Mysteries

In a brief lapse in my parental judgement (ok, stop laughing), I taught my son how to "Ding and Ditch" on St. Patrick's Day. He was a little reluctant at first, but then he caught on pretty quickly. (The apple doesn't fall far from the tree)!

I know what you're thinking, but, no, we didn't leave bags of flaming dog doo doo on my neighbors' front porches.

We left packages of homemade Irish Soda Bread with homemade raspberry jam with an anonymous note quoting an old Irish proverb. (We had to deliver the bread in this manner, because, as we all know, leprechauns never allow themselves to be seen).

To accomplish this feat, I spent two days in the kitchen baking bread. At one point, I left 4 little loaves cooling on the counter while I ran to pick up a child. When I returned, 2 of the aforementioned loaves were missing and there was a pile of bread crumbs on the living room floor.

Who would attempt to sabotage my secret leprechaun efforts? Was this the work of the British?

Damn them!

I knew they'd never gotten over my grandfather's participation in the Irish Republican Army and the resultant loss of control over some of Ireland!

But wait. Who is the only person (or mammal) to be able to surreptitiously single-handedly (or single-pawedly) get into my house without any human assistance?

Sprocket. That bitch!

Readers of previous posts will remember Sprocket. http://mythreesons-briana.blogspot.com/2008/12/i-have-been-adopted.html

At least I know she appreciates high quality authentic Irish bread! And now I know not to leave food on the counter even though I don't own a dog.