Sunday, May 23, 2010

A Woman Without a Country

I'm a woman without a country (ok, family).

You may recall the recent incident at my in-laws house, in which my father-in-law threatened to kick me out of his house because I almost said FU&%. While I don't agree with the notion that saying the word outloud is worse than a teenager doing it without protection, and, therefore, getting pregnant, this is the family that I married into.

This is the problem.

My uncle Peter (the one who still lives in Ireland) flew to Chicago for a visit. He jumped in my uncle John's van for a road trip (never said he was smart) and they arrived in Colorado a couple days ago.

So, we're in the middle of my uncle John's gourmet microwave dinner (in which everything is cooked in a microwave), and the obligatory lecture about the absurdity of religion, and, not surprisingly, a few swear words are mentioned.

I mentioned the aforementioned "incident" at my in-laws. John asked why I didn't actually SAY the word that was perfectly suited for the sentence. "Cause I didn't want to piss off my father-in-law," I replied.

I didn't think it was possible, but I got even MORE shit for NOT saying it from my family than I got for NOT saying it from Dan's family.

Their disappointment in my weenieish behavior resulted in a serious lecture about the appropriateness of the phrase, "Go fuck yourself," and my serious lapse in character for not having implemented that phrase when under attack by my in-laws.

So, I'm screwed by my in-laws if I say (or don't say)"fuck," and I'm screwed by my mom's family if I don't say it. WTF?

I'm a woman without a country (family)!

So what do I do?

Well, as they say, blood is thicker than water :)!


SSP said...

ou say fuck whenever it is appropriate, and whenever you choose. there is this thing in the constitution that protects your right to express your self...of course, some might argue that you ought to behave by house rules when you are at some one else's house....How about you come up with some obscure, archaic word that means the same general thing but use it instead? That'll show the puritans, and the Irish will be proud of your ingenuity.....

The Empress said...

I love this post. Perfect title to go with the whole concept, A woman w/o a country.