Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Jesus is Letting Me Down (Business Card Update)

No, not THAT Jesus - the Jesus who is purportedly designing my business cards.

I'm thinking the other Jesus may, indeed, have a problem with my lack of participation in organized religion. As a result, he is impeding the ability of Office Depot Jesus to complete the design of my card, as well as, my ability to contact him (and by "him," I mean Office Depot Jesus).

Jesus takes a lot of days off.

Which Jesus am I talking about? You decide.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Jesus is Designing My Business Cards

No. Not THAT Jesus. It's the Jesus at Office Depot. The real Jesus doesn't communicate directly with me like he does with George Bush. Although I think that Jesus is working through the other Jesus to provide me with a fabulous business card.

I don't think Jesus minds that I don't go to church and don't believe in God, do you? Jesus clearly cares about the downtrodden which makes him a Democrat. And Democrats don't discriminate against others on the basis of religious beliefs.

So, he wants the economy to rebound since it's the downtrodden that were all screwed by the rich assholes on Wall Street and the banking system.

For the economy to recover, unemployed people(like me) need to find jobs and make money which they can then inject into the economy by buying shoes. (At least that's what the "experts" say, and who am I to argue with them!)

My theoretical law firm is going to do bankruptcy and tax resolution. I know what you're thinking. Technically, I can't make money unless other downtrodden people are in dire financial straits. Cause if the economy recovers and there are no more downtrodden people, who is going to hire me to file for bankruptcy or argue with the IRS?

Does this mean that Jesus and I DON'T want the economy to recover? Noooooooo! Of course not! Jesus wants to help the downtrodden so they can buy shoes. Ergo, I need downtrodden clients.

Ok, Now I'm confused. But answer me this, why else would Jesus be designing my business cards?

Dolly Cannot Compete With Gunnar

Gunnar has been performing the character, Rudolph, in the junior high musical "Hello Dollly" for the last three nights. This is his version of heaven.
Not one to gush about my kids, I have to admit that Gunnar has an amazing stage presence and charisma. Only he could take a relatively minor role and make it unforgettable.
Don't forget his name. He's gonna be famous some day!