Sunday, May 15, 2011

Hitler Was Reincarnated Into My Son's Principal

Today Brody "graduates" from elementary school and not a moment too soon!

The principal's name isn't REALLY Hitler. Nor do I mean to imply that she would engage in mass genocide (although the similarities are eerie).

Several years ago, Principal Hitler was transferred to our school. The school was adding another wing to the building. The construction materials filled half the parking lot. The rest was reserved for the teachers. Fair enough.

The construction was completed before the next school year. Parents continued with the standard procedure - driving in the entrance - dropping off their child - and continuing to the exit.

Hitler can't concentrate on issues relevant to teaching and education. She decided to focus on more important issues, like the parking lot. She decided the parking lot will be closed during drop off and pick up times. To that end, every day she places a huge yellow sign in the middle of the entry which states: PARKING LOT CLOSED

WHAT? (Dictators don't need approval for the things they do!)

Parents are ordered to drop their children on the street rather than in front of the building. The children are ordered to walk around the parking lot.

I"m no traffic engineer; but I don't understand how this is safer. Did Hitler minor in engineering when she was studying teaching?

There is no exception for rain, snow, or sub-zero temperatures Maybe Hitler finds watching kids get soaked, slip on ice, and catch pneumonia, entertaining.

Hitler isn't stupid. She quickly determined some parents (including me) were violating this critical policy. As in every good fascist group, insubordination is not tolerated. So Hitler stationed two sixth graders by the sign to enforce the rule. (I'm surprised she didn't give them a gun or at least a taser)!

Every lawyer knows that there are exceptions to every rule and there is one here. If a parent could provide to the gestapos satisfaction they had a reason to enter the school, they would step aside.

This is the Heil Hitler period.

I obey most laws. I obey rules only when they make sense. I'm a rebel :)

I was not going to be dissuaded by Hitler or two sixth-grade girls. I approached the lot, stopped to tell the girls I had to go into the building, dropped off my son, and exited the lot. Like I said. I'm a rebel.

I became a little cocky and would not come to a complete stop but indicated by hand gestures that I had to go in the building. What I didn't know was that Hitler had directed these cute little girls to inform on violators. The next day, I approached the lot as usual. This time the girls were on the side and a PTA Gestapo stood directly in the middle. Damn! I had to stop the car to avoid committing vehicular homicide.

(I know I don't obey all laws, but I do obey that one).

To both her and my surprise, we knew each other well and always got along fine. She must have been an undercover Nazi. She said the parking lot was closed. I answered with my tried and true response, "I have to go into the building." For some reason she didn't believe me (Whaaaat?) She began to start the "explanation" for the rule. I cut her off mid-sentence and sternly said, "Angela, Im not going to argue about the rule with you. I am going in." She responded, "Ok," and stayed in the middle of the entry. Again, sternly, I said "You're going to have to get out of the way." So, she did.


Nothing makes me happier than winning! Nothing makes Hitler angrier than losing! But I hate losing even more.

GAME ON HITLER! You just met Winston Churchill!

I sent a letter to the Superintendent of Jefferson County schools regarding my concerns about the safety of six-graders situated in the direct path of moving vehicles. They stopped that. DUH, WINNING!

I kept dropping off my kids in the parking lot. DUH, WINNING?

Then Hitler sent me a letter accusing me of "frightening" two children in the parking lot. (Cuz now the kids don't pay attention to cars in the lot). And if I continued to drive into the parking lot, she would have my sons kicked out of school based on my being a threat to the school. I researched this. Trust me! Turns out she could.

(I didn't know that Hitler had an atomic bomb.)

Now I have a dilemma.

Hitler has a vastly larger military who have proven that they will fight to the death to support her. I'm just one mom. I'm a lawyer. That helps. But if I lost, my kids would be kicked out of their school. Other parents who dislike Hitler as much as I do, and want her to be dethroned, encouraged me to continue the war despite the fact that they wouldn't enlist themselves.

Like Hiroshima, I decided the risk of a bomb directed at my children wasn't worth the fight.

I lost. Hitler won. And every time I see her, she knows it, and I know it.

Brody graduates today and will attend junior high next year. We're almost across the border!


DISCLAIMER: Nothing here is asserted as fact. It constitutes opinion. (I'm a lawyer. I can't help it)!


Living Arete said...

I am cruising the internet reading the blogs of others and came across yours. This is the first time I have stopped to comment. I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed this post.


幸敏薇 said...

There are plenty of dress methods of you besides maxis. replica watches uk You can purchase cool midis, skater minis or floral bodycon dresses this year. Opt for fabrics that help your skin inhale and help you stay cool. replica gucci handbags Sticky fabrics will not only make you feel uncomfortable but will also eliminate from your style quotient. You might also sport flowy medium-long length skirts or palazzo jeans that are breezy and uber comfortable. fake omega If you’re more of a jeans and slacks person, opt for thinner fabrics like linen and cotton in bright colours. fake handbags Pair with a solid tinted container or a floral sheer top and you’ve nailed two trends this year – colour blocking and floral. chanel replica handbags With Summer, the perfect ensemble becomes a maxi dress matched with large accessories, cool jelly flip flops (in candy colours) and a statement cross body bag.