Following my failed attempt to leave my mother in Ireland (see previous post), my sister and I were discussing where else we could send her. Maybe Florida. Lots of old people live in Florida. There's a beach. There's no snow.
More importantly, there's no me!
There are, however, TONS of crocodiles in Florida!
Do you know what creature is higher in the food chain than a crocodile? What makes a crocodile swim away shivering in his boots? There's only one creature that inspire fear in the cold heart of a crocodile
Charmaine and I agreed that we could potentially be paid a great deal of money to send Skeletor to Florida. She could single-handedly stop the ploriferation of crocodiles in Florida without using any traditional weapons.
After minimal exposure to Skeletor, the crocs will lose all of their self-esteem. They will believe that they are too fat and will become anorexic (which is good for the 2-year old unsupervised children playing around the swamps).
Today is my birthday. I am now 46. I am on technically on the downhill slide into 50.
My mother came by today to deliver my birthday present - two pounds of bacon. She also sent me a card that said that she loved me in spite of myself and that I didn't treat her like a mother, but she wished I did. (Happy fricking birthday to you, too!)
Last month, while drinking a couple (maybe more) pints in a pub in Ireland appropriately named "Bar Undertaker", my uncle John (the psychiatrist) asked me and my cousins if we were to die tomorrow, would we be satisfied with what we had done in our lives.
Tom said "Yes." Deirdre said "Yes." I said "No."
They looked at me, mouths agape, and asked, "Why not?"
Because I haven't changed the world yet. Duh! They responded uncomfortably that I better get going. So it got me thinking. What DO I want to do?
1. Hold an elective office.
2. Go to Paris.
3. Go to Russia.
4. Relearn French and Russian.
5. Grow a couple inches.
6. Write a book.
7. Take my kids to Ireland and show them the jail my grandfather broke into, thereby getting shot, the hospital next door where my grandmother helped him escape saving him from execution and everything else there.
8. Get paid for taking photos.
9. Live where there's no snow and where there is an ocean.
You may have sensed that I haven't put a lot of thought into this. Anyway, how about you? What do you still want to accomplish?