Thursday, November 5, 2009

Poop vs. Vomit - That is the Question

My sister and I believe we possess superior intellect. Our brains have a constant need for challenge which is not satiated by conversations with normal people.

And since our friends and family are mostly "normal" (and I use that term loosely), we find we must save discussions of the most intellectually-challenging imponderables between us.

For example: Why did our father marry our mother?

Why are there Republicans?

Why don't any of my kids look related even though I know, for a fact, they
all have the same father (despite a few suggestions to the contrary
from the in-laws)?

Is there any man hotter than Keith Urban?
(Ok, so we don't discuss that. I just happen to think it's true.)

Today's topic, (drumroll please), What is a better indicator of love - poop or vomit? (We can thank OneMoreMom's blog for inspiring this topic today.)

The argument for poop:

From the day you have babies, and every day thereafter for many years, you are cleaning up poop. Sometimes it's green. Sometimes it looks like marbles. Sometimes it's never-ending diarrhea blowing out of a diaper in every direction all over you, clothes, carpet, etc. But you clean it and their bottom's up, because you love them. A lot!

The argument for vomit:

From the day you have babies, and almost every day thereafter(although decreasing in frequency), you are cleaning up vomit. At first it's mainly spit-up (which is really funny when someone offers to hold the baby after you fed him and they don't first get a towel). Then, when associated with a stomach bug or the flu, it becomes a projectile known to fly many more feet than one would think. And they vomit on you, your bed, your carpet, etc. Vomit has been known to produce the gag reflex more often than poop, but you clean it up, because you love them. A lot!

We're pretty much equal at this point.

The argument against poop:

From the day you meet your significant other, and every day thereafter, you are totally disgusted with their poop, as well as, the odor that lingers in the bathroom. You find yourself screaming at your significant other every time they pass gas outside of the bathroom, particularly when confined in a moving vehicle, and you find yourself wondering how you can jump across the car, open the door, and throw them out.

The argument against vomit:

From the day you meet your significant other, and every day thereafter, you are totally disgusted when you overhear them vomiting in the bathroom. Although you are a little more sympathetic. I mean, they are sick. You still find yourself (silently, of course) wishing they would close the freaking bathroom door.

In conclusion, when it comes to kids, you love them despite their proclivity to poop and vomit. When it comes to spouses, you hate both, but you're a little less judgmental about the vomit, and if you didn't love them, you'd bail.

So, I conclude that vomit is a better indicator of love. What do you think?

Tomorrow's Topic: Why won't Charmaine look for a job?


SSP said...

LOL...your rationale blows chunks :-)

Anita said...

I am so thrilled to have stumbled across some intellectual people and to finally be able to have the ocassional intelligible exchange! I agree with your findings; when my step-grandbaby poops or throws up, I have no problem cleaning him up because I adore him. I will even take him away from another (Grateful!) person to do it, because it is one an one time with the precious baby. But when my mate poops I shout in his general direction to use the spray---now. Please! And on the rare occasion he is sick to his stomach I must leave him alone; he wants his privacy, right?

Charmaine said...

ha ha

SSP said...

so...where is the answer to the burning question at the end of this post?????

Briana said...

It's possible that there is NO answer to the last question. Charmaine, elucidate us!