Tuesday, December 9, 2008

New Year's Resolutions

1. I resolve to close my free legal service business and re-open as an elite law firm with no paying clients.

2. I resolve to tell my mother she is being a bitch when she is being a bitch (like when she asks me if I have gained weight).

3. I resolve to stop yelling at my kids when they poke my increasingly flabby belly.

4. I resolve to stop gloating about the election to my Republican friends (ok, this one might be hard to keep).

5. I resolve to relearn Russian since I just found a bunch of my college books in the basement and I can't believe that I used to understand it (it's a Flowers for Algernon kind of thing).

6. I resolve to limit my alcohol consumption to champagne.


SSP said...

those seem reasonable and do-able....other than maybe 4. and for me #2 is a lost cause. I wish i had that relationship with my mom that you see on tv (and no, I don't mean the Mommy Dearest movie), but i am just not the person she wants me to be...and apparently your children are not the people your mom thinks they ought to be....it is just amazing she is so mean and insensitive to them on so many levels. GO for it with the Russian...I ahve all my french and italian books and I keep telling myself I am going to brush up....thank goodness for Jim...maybe I shoudl do a post in French??

Briana said...

A post in French would be very cool. I took French in high school, so I remember even less of that than Russian. But if you write in French, I will try to brush up on that, too.

Charmaine said...

Hey Binaca,

Remember when I used to call you "Orca"? You have a thick skin by now.

Someone once said the sign of your mental health is how you deal with crazy old broad mothers. As oppossed to thinking they will one day become "real" mothers it's best to recognize they just can't do it and view them as the sad miserable creatures they are. With pity.

Lastly, check out the link on my favorites to NYC Mom. Her name is Marinka and she is from Russia. Yer gonna like her and you can practise your Russian.

JIMSIGHT said...

Je rappèle pleurer comme un bébé quand je lis cela réserve la première fois. En réponse à votre question, oui j'ai remarqué ses cheveux et je l'ai dite alors, qui n'était pas de petit exploit considérant les circonstances.


Briana said...

Jim, how do you know French?

Marinka said...

limit consumption of champagne? I don't understand. Unless you're planning on replacing champagne with vodka?

SSP said...

I think what he is saying is,
"I remember crying like a baby when I read [something] the first time. In answer to your question, yes, I noticed his hair and I told him, which was no small feat considering the circumstances" Whose hair and what made you cry? And I will work on a french post....

Briana said...

Marinka, nooooo, I will never limit consumption of champagne. I just mean that the only alcohol I will drink will be champagne. Why waste time and calories on the less bubbly!