1. I resolve to close my free legal service business and re-open as an elite law firm with no paying clients.
2. I resolve to tell my mother she is being a bitch when she is being a bitch (like when she asks me if I have gained weight).
3. I resolve to stop yelling at my kids when they poke my increasingly flabby belly.
4. I resolve to stop gloating about the election to my Republican friends (ok, this one might be hard to keep).
5. I resolve to relearn Russian since I just found a bunch of my college books in the basement and I can't believe that I used to understand it (it's a Flowers for Algernon kind of thing).
6. I resolve to limit my alcohol consumption to champagne.